Have you ever had a day where everything seems to be going along swimmingly, and then the next minute, it just isn’t? You thought perhaps it was going to be an okay day, but in the course of conversation, a figurative bomb is dropped in your lap. And you just sit there and stare at it, paralyzed and unsure what to do with the information… That happened to me yesterday. I was talking on the phone with someone when they shared something that just eats at my very core. The kind of thing that makes me question decisions I’ve made – and prayed about – that I thought were in the best interest of my family, Now… well, I’m just at a loss. I’m just sitting here… numb. Heartbroken. Lost in a raging and turbulent sea of emotions and questions. Sometimes there are no words to speak, but my mind swirls with them nonetheless.
I don’t know anything, and yet, I do.
I know that there is a God who is bigger than anything and everything. Bigger than my problem. Bigger than my heartache. Bigger than the questions. Bigger than the possible outcomes that I see. In fact, the solutions that I imagine – in my very limited scope of view – are probably so inconsequential to his divine Plan and Purpose that just how big He is, would blow my mind.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.
Ephesians 6:12
I’m only really seeing things in the physical realm. But I know that what’s going on is part of a larger, more intense struggle than I could ever envision or endure. I mean, I can’t fathom it, and the minuscule portion of the battle that I’m personally dealing with is just. so. hard.
I wasn’t made for this.
I can’t handle this.
How many times have you heard someone speak those words?” Or you have said them?
Because I never thought about it until today…
I truly can’t handle this.
I honestly wasn’t made for this.
But my God was, is and will be.
And so I rest in that. Or at least try to rest in it. I am, after all, a work in progress. I still struggle against this battle, because while it is being fought in the spiritual realm, it overflows into the tangible arena of my earthly life, so I must still deal with its effects all around me.
I can’t handle it.
But I don’t have to handle it.
That’s my peace, my assurance, my confidence, my joy, and it’s my steadfast hope.
