A few days ago, a friend died. And a couple weeks ago, my uncle died.
Both, too soon.
In each case, I felt like I hadn’t connected often enough or in a proper time frame to let them know they mattered.
They mattered to me.
We all matter, of course.
Sometimes though, life gets in the way and selfishly, I live it. I get absorbed in my day to day and forget the urgency to tell those I love and admire that I love and admire them.
My uncle: It’s been several years since I saw him in person, because he and my aunt divorced when I was in high school, but he was a prankster with a goofy smile, infectious laugh, and a big heart. We did keep in touch, but because he lived on the other side of the country, I rarely saw him. And when I found out he had terminal cancer a couple months ago, I did reach out to say he was in my thoughts and prayers. To say he mattered. Nice enough, but really, why did I have to wait until the end to let him know he impacted my life for the better?
My friend: His family had started a Facebook group to keep everyone in the loop when he too, was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago. It was nice to have a chance to let him know I was thinking of him and praying for him, especially when things looked grim. Then, a few days ago, his wife posted that they’d made the decision to bring in hospice. Somehow, despite thinking about him and praying for him and his family, I didn’t take the time to send one more message to say Godspeed. To say he mattered.
Now, I’m somewhat wracked with more than a tinge of guilt that I didn’t say more when I had the chance.
Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love. George Eliot
It’s definitely a balance: having that rushing need to tell everyone you love that you love them every moment you think about it, and even when you don’t. Or living life: getting up and walking the dog, doing the dishes, tending the weeds, filling up the gas tank. How to reconcile doing one without sacrificing the other?
That’s the question I’m left with today.
I have been dealing with the same thing. My husband’s aunt just died of cancer this month, and a friend of ours is suffering through terminal cancer. He lives far away and we can’t BE THERE for him because we are literally not there. I’ve also been on the other end, where family and friends didn’t know if I was dying, and how much to do was a question for them. This is what I have decided. If I think of them, I pray for them right then. If a thought comes to mind, like “Should I send a card, a book, flowers?” I DO IT that day. Then I know I have sent my love and they know I was thinking of them. I know how much it means…on both ends…to do love. To love in words and deeds and thoughts and prayers, and I know they FEEL the love in all these ways. You’re doing great. Just love and don’t let false guilt take away your lovely memories of your loved ones! Blessings.
Thank you Cheryl, your comment encouraged me, ESPECIALLY because you’ve had the opportunity to experience both sides of the coin. I appreciate what you said about false guilt, because much of the time, it IS guilt I place on myself because of my own expectations, not God’s. I’m sorry you’re in the middle of all this too… I’m so grateful we have hope in Him. I don’t know how one could do it otherwise. Blessings to you as well.